It happened shortly after we left Paris. In the train compartment facing me sat a man with the very erect posture of a physiotherapist. Suddenly he said, “Yes indeed, going to Basel is reassuring. Knowing that Basel is the end of the railway line is in itself reassuring. Of course, Basel isn’t a destination, it’s only the terminus of a line that has to end somewhere. After all, who would take the train to Basel? I hesitantly opened my mouth to say something but he got there first. “I know. You and I. The citizens of Basel specialize in reassuring others. Incidentally, Basel is the place where tranquillizers are produced. A troubled foreigner, typically a Parisian like myself, doesn’t have to take his Valium pills once he alights from the train in Basel. A therapy couch awaits him at every corner. It is bouleversant, overwhelming! People listen to you; the whole city seems to be listening, sympathetically, and paying close attention to what you have to say – no matter what it is, by the way. You don’t have to use any tricks, don’t have to develop an especially gripping technique to get a sympathetic hearing. How nice that is! You exhale deeply and relax. And you’ve already taken the first step towards recovery.”
“Excuse me, were you …?” “Yes, I’m still suffering from various ailments. For years I’ve been looking for the common root of all these problems. It wasn’t until I made my first trip to Basel that I finally understood. The reason for my disharmony was traceable to a lack of order. I was living in unimaginable chaos... It’s impossible to get well unless you get the chaos under control. That is why all conventional cures had failed. The miracle happened in Basel. In the very depths of my chaos something dawned on me. I had come to Switzerland purely by accident, unsuspecting, without any therapeutic intentions.”
“Are you Pierre C., the founder of geographic homeopathy?” He was silent, overcome at being recognized. “You’re a benefactor…” I wanted to add the flattering phrase “of mankind”, but it occurred to me just in time that he might think I was making fun of him. “It is a form of medicine in the broadest sense of the word, a life style”, he replied. “At first, purely by accident, I tried it on myself and lo and behold, it worked. So I began to recommend it to other people too, free of charge, I should emphasize. The pleasure of seeing others cured was enough for me. You shouldn’t measure my success merely quantitatively, for the ultimate aim of the therapy is a personality change. Yes, I’m proud of my idea.”
“How were you able to restore your own chaos to order?” “In the beginning everything happened on a subconscious level. First I sensed the generally established order in and outside the city, the nearly total transparency of order on all levels of society as a presentiment of what order could be. This presentiment, like a light flickering in the dark, enabled me to see each of my illnesses individually and to differentiate between them. It was like a fan that had opened. I now held its handle, the original chaos itself, tightly in my grip. The first prescription resulted from this intimate experience with my sick inner self. I no longer have hesitations about sending foreign neurotics to Basel. The first thing they experience there is an essential vital peace of mind that comes from the thoughtful listening. And the presence of a distinct structure enables them to reach an insight which is then automatically followed by self-healing.”
“Yes, and then … go on?” A master was sitting in front of me; I, his impatient listener, urged him to continue. I was also beginning to have some doubts and this made me aggressive.
“You’re right”, he laughed. “That is the time to leave the country. The first breathing space is over. The patient, constant listening which is balm for the shattered soul becomes suspect to the mind as it recovers. New arrivals soon notice that people will listen to them, even if they have nothing to say, that they will truthfully and sincerely answer even the most stupid questions, convinced that they have to inform foreigners properly. In that way superficial contact is established, there is a pleasant exchange of traditions, as if ambassadors of two countries were conversing. For example, one says, ‘In our country we hold a cup this way when we drink from it’, and the other replies, ‘In our country we hold it differently’. A formal tone is maintained. What sick people find calming and beneficial is that this tone guarantees that the conversation will never become too personal.”
“How big should the first dose of Switzerland be?” “I’ve already mentioned that Switzerland is a place of transit, a protected area. You get your bearings, you gather strength, and then you continue your journey. Too high a dose can have dreadful consequences, something for which I wouldn’t like to be held responsible. An extended stay in this sanatorium can lead to a kind of stupor-like condition for convalescents. Healthy foreigners should be excluded.”
“To which country?” “That depends on the symptoms of the disease, of course. My medicine is based on the simple idea that every country and every culture leads to a specific tendency that is called a neurosis in the pathological sense. For example, someone is suffering from a lack of something in his own country that is produced in excess in another country. Thanks to his wide knowledge of different peoples, an geographic homeopath will be at pains to prescribe to his patients a suitable country or a harmonious combination of several countries. I see myself as a sculptor who creates two matching sculptures or perhaps even an entire group of sculptures. ItÂ’s an art, believe me. You need a great deal of experience to calculate the proper dose. LetÂ’s take, for example, a flipped-out southerner – from a Mediterranean country – who is longing for company and who has never had a chance to really settle down. A short stay in Switzerland will initially help to bring about a stabilization of his personality. After that, a spell in England where he will practise driving on the left side of the road. That will restore his coordination. For most people the right side is overused because of the widespread educational emphasis on the right. Then, a return to Switzerland for a longer stay for the purpose of reorganization. And voilà, our patient is sufficiently ready to return home and do his own people credit.”
“An expensive business.” “Mais non, a year-long course of psychotherapy sessions puts a lot more strain on your purse than a trip to Switzerland where you can find a willing listener at no cost. While the entire country listens to you, neurotic foreigners recover. At first they enjoy being free to chatter on and on without being interrupted. In this natural, relaxed way vague desires form and take on a definite shape and you realize which ones have a real basis and which of them are illusory. You develop a feeling for reality; you emerge from your egocentricity. And then you begin to become interested in your therapist, in other words, in Swiss men and women. That, of course, does not lead to an echo, to a response. These people, who specialize in listening, resist all lures and enticements; they remain in their therapistsÂ’ chairs, independent of political viewpoints, individual experiences, no matter whether they live in the lowlands or in the mountains. They maintain their neutral façade. And then foreigners say to themselves in disgust, ‘IÂ’ve had enough of this country’”
“In other words, a revolt after recovery”, I mumbled. “A really unconventional theory, Mr. C. So you think that Switzerland plays the superior role of a doctor.” “Our premise, you will remember, was that Basel, representing all of Switzerland, is a natural tranquillizer comprising several ingredients. And what can be more calming than lack of movement? Imagine this: A group of people sit down at a table to eat. They are surrounded by catastrophes and upheavals, but they don’t get up during the meal. What is characteristic of the paysage suisse is that it is a society that never starts to act. All that happens is that the worms within are slowly attacking the static formation.”
“What a terrible vision of destruction!”
“Don’t worry. This is where the Swiss-foreign symbiosis is useful. I count on the efforts of migrant workers. It’s now their turn to pay the price for the therapy. We haven’t yet mentioned that in Switzerland foreigners not only play the role of patients but also of clowns. This role is one of animation, of creating movement. Furthermore, by criticizing Switzerland they stimulate the intellectual climate. And don’t worry about criticism! Switzerland is unique in this respect. The country doesn’t interfere with criticism in any way but encourages it. One requirement of a therapist is that he should allow himself to be analysed. Of course this is a purely intellectual exercise and doesn’t change a thing.”
“Foreigners lose their façade; the Swiss keep theirs. Do you see that as being determined by fate?”
“It’s a prearranged deal from which both sides benefit. The amazed Swiss, who would rather be spectators than actors, watch the spectacle of foreign workers exposing themselves like exhibitionists and are glad they don’t have to do so themselves.” “They’re probably afraid”, I said.
“Bien sûr, the Swiss have a deep-seated fear”, he continued. ”ThatÂ’s what produced this countryÂ’s health cult. The Swiss almost inevitably decide against any acts of martyrdom which could harm their health, opting rather for ‘bien-êtreÂ’. A therapist lives a civilized life; he eats and lives well; he knows how to use creature comforts to keep his fear in bounds. This coping with fear is a wonderful Swiss achievement.”
“Your theory has an AchillesÂ’ heel.” “What is it?”, he asked coolly. “Even the strongest individuals are susceptible to boredom. Is it enough to listen to the chatter of insecure patients at spas and to clowns going on and on in their pidgin-German? DoesnÂ’t that undermine a personÂ’s health?” “Ah, ma chérie, you must distinguish between two things. First of all, when it comes to Swiss men and women, you mustnÂ’t project your own ideas of what is interesting and what is not. The psychotherapist finds his work meaningful and interesting. And thus it is also good for his or her health. And when it comes to those entertaining foreign workers, I advise them to come to Switzerland only when they are overflowing with problems. I impress on them that ‘This is the place where you leave everything behind you. And please return to your country, immediately after you have been. You are seasonal workers, bridge-builders between the Swiss, mobile connecting links subject to wear.Â’ I donÂ’t mean this as a value judgment but purely physically.”
“Isn’t it downright dangerous leave everything behind you in this way, so far from your beloved native country? Don’t you see a risk there?” “There’s always some risk. However, once the catharsis has been successful, there is no obstacle to a new, life of fulfilment.” What will life be like for travellers after that? What rewards can they boast of when they return to their native countries?” He was silent for a while, closed his eyes, savouring the moment. He knew how to create suspense. “Have you ever watched a crowd in Switzerland? It is never compact; it always consists of individual particles. There is no ‘collective’ here. Individuals are separated from one another. For foreigners who are familiar only with their native collective mania, this is an existential experience which will certainly have consequences. They will never again become part of a crowd without reservations; the stamp they got at the Swiss border was not only in their passport. This is Switzerland’s asset, and now foreigners are also proud to have one: They now watch the crazy goings-on in their own country with that detached Swiss gaze. Even if, superficially, they merge with the crowd, from now on they will do so only with inner detachment, with Swiss objectivity. They do something monstrous, without getting passionately involved in something that they might later regret. Even if their fellow countrymen think they’re sick, they have the courage of their convictions because they know that there is one country on earth where this kind of behaviour is normal. This gives them moral support, for who would be strong enough to risk doing something like this in their own country?”
“Do you consider it Western progress?”
“Yes, definitely. Thanks to my homeopathic preparation called ‘Swiss Gaze’ Pardon me if it sounds like an obvious advertisement. But it is based on my deepest conviction, my life’s work, so to speak.”
We had already passed Vesoul station. All that existed for us was this train, this trip to Switzerland, and our excitement. “So let me recapitulate if I may. A brief stay in Switzerland offers a cure for neurotic non-Swiss men and women. You mentioned the dosage problem, the dangers …”
“You know”, he interrupted, “I don’t want to harp on it; after all there are different principles in holistic medicine. Let’s take the case of a pathologically chaotic personality. Rather than sending this patient to a country with a highly developed structure of orderliness, it would certainly be possible to send him to the direct opposite: into some run-down Third World country on the brink of ruin, a place that’s totally disintegrating. The sight of such catastrophic disorder would mobilize the chaotic person’s immune system, and enable him to see his own chaotic tendency taken to its conclusion, and the prospect would scare him to death. This is the well-known method of homeopathic medicine – driving the bad out with a dose of the bad; whereas my method – using the Swiss treatment – drives the bad out with the good. This would not be called geographic homeopathy, but simply geographic medicine. I consider both treatments legitimate and effective, but as a positive thinker I prefer the latter.”
“By using the first method, then, it would be possible to cure a patient who is obsessed with order by sending him to Switzerland”, I said, amazed.
“Yes. Short, regular visits lasting one or two days would be suitable. The hapless person obsessed by a mania for order would gradually lose his own protection through subtle but regularly repeated shocks. It’s a good example of gentle medicine. In geographic homeopathy the individual is always confronted with the objective result of what he, the subject, has or hasn’t got. This confrontation with an excess of or absence of a certain condition compared with the national standard stimulates his thinking and in most cases will give him an insight into his condition. And this, in turn, activates the defence system. As I said earlier, it’s self-healing without any side-effects.”
“That’s all very nice and plausible but those neurotics who need your ‘Swiss Gaze’, most of them couldn’t get an immigration visa to Switzerland.”
“Quite right. I am negotiating this matter with international health insurance companies and am trying to get Basel patented as a broad-spectrum medication and to make it accessible to second and third world countries. You know, like a special wetlands area or the eighth wonder of the world. The UN ought to declare Basel an ethnic heritage site, a treasure for all mankind. I must say, I and my ideas have met with general acceptance and understanding on an international level. Only the Swiss government has been reserved towards my proposal. For that reason it seems more realistic to build a kind of Disneyland, that is a Basel land in the Sahara with the help of skilled Basel specialists, of course. I am in the process of raising funds. Just think of it: a small pragmatic nation will have the opportunity to influence the course of world events. Naturally everything takes time and the first step is to get recognition for the title of Geographic Homeopath, and to license practitioners.”
For a while we said nothing.
“I confess”, he continued, “that this is my last train trip; it is my last trip home, so to speak. You know, I have become convinced that every foreigner should find his or her own image in Switzerland in order to endure his or her own fate with dignity. These constant complaints, the homesickness, the continual bad-mouthing of Switzerland – it’s offensive, amateurish. If you realize that you’re a Swiss clown, then be one, and do it consciously. Go on stage. If you find yourself complaining here as though you were in a home for the handicapped, then become a director in an Anthroposophical home. Or become a patient there. If you’re suffering from the local lack of fresh air, get a job as a waitress in a mountain restaurant or sell oxygen masks. You could also join a senior diving club in Basel. Are you depressed by all the impersonal polite phrases? Start an export firm to produce phrases for Central and Eastern Europe. If you get hysterical when the street sweepers neatly sweep away all the gorgeous autumn leaves, no problem. Start groups screaming protests for fellow sufferers. My goodness! You refugees, foreign women, strangers, migrant workers, tourists, be inventive! Become experts! There are a thousand ways of living with dignity in Switzerland.”
“But that’s nonsense! Betrayal!” I shouted. “What about all your wonderful homeopathic teachings? You’re denying everything – the principle of the diversity of peoples, the medicines…”
“Take it easy. I just want to save people the expense of travelling. Once you have become naturalized, you’ll no longer have to travel. Switzerland has everything. It is a nature conservancy. To be honest, in the last few years I’ve prescribed Switzerland exclusively. It is the only reliable medicine. Everything else is quackery.”
“And what about the South? A trip to Italy, Greece or Spain to stock up on joie de vivre?” He gave a nasty coarse laugh. “Joie de vivre? That doesn’t last. A purely symptomatic treatment, of doubtful value, dishonest.”
The train slipped elegantly into the Basel station. Pierre C. hurried ahead of me through the narrow customs corridor. When he got to the Swiss side, he turned round and called to me, “A plus tard”.
A few moments later I too was walking happily on Swiss soil.

[Translated by Margot Bettauer-Dembo]